I need new shoes

So in my last entry, I mentioned the depressing reality of my singledom, that only guys I'm not interested in show interest. I'd joke that I could write a book about this, except it's true. I could write one heck of a depressing book. In my early days (junior high) I would actually date these guys I wasn't interested in until I got squeamish about physical affection or other people finding out. In high school I'd often make out with them but until I got squeamish about actually going on dates with them. And now in my adult years I have graduated to giving them a one date chance before refusing to lead them on to thinking they actually have a chance (although Work Boy's not even getting that). However, no matter what I do, whether it's dump them, cutting off the kissing, ignoring their texts, or flat out saying I'd rather be friends, these boys I am not interested in are rather persistent.

So about a year ago I unwittingly unleashed one of these boys on myself. My ward was hosting a Sadie Hawkins dance, and even though it violated my principles on so many levels, I decided to ask someone. All of my friends were going and I knew if I asked the right guy I would have a great time. And I asked the perfect guy. We weren't close friends, but we had lot of mutual friends, including a lot of my best guy friends. He was fun and polite and bought me flowers. I had a blast.

Then a few weeks later he asked me out on a date. I was a bit hesitant, cause I knew I wasn't interested, but said yes. We went to a great restaurant(point for him) and then went bowling, which he managed to make fun (I generally hate bowling). But it confirmed that I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. He was cool and funny and I enjoyed his company but there was no physical attraction. The thought of kissing him makes me squim a little bit on the inside. Awesome guy? Yes. Kissable? No. However, our date confirmed the opposite to him.

So the following months I find myself avoiding him, vaguley answering text messages and online inquiries. Which then turned into him ignoring me in public for a while. Eventually he got over his hurt, but not his interest since he will still ask me out from time to time. He just cleverly does it with month long increments of time inbetween or starts out super casually, so saying no always feels like a rude, unnecessary rejection. He's tapped into my psyche well.

Like tonight. He sends me a facebook message inquring into how I'm doing since he hasn't seen me in a while. We chat for a few messages about future plans before he cleverly ends a message with "And speaking of the next step, when are we gonna hang out again!? It has been far too long!" He has me! I will agree because I haven't seen him in a while and enjoy hanging out with him, and then he'll ask me on a date. And I already agreed we need to see each other so I can't say no to the date! And then the cycle will continue.

My dad thinks I need to give him a chance. And maybe I do. Maybe kissing him isn't as icky as it is in my head. But seriously, if the chemistry's not there, it's not there. Friendship is there and I'm happy with that. I don't know what will happen, he may be my dream guy but I'm not interested, I shouldn't have to settle. I don't want to start dating someone just because they're the only person interested. And why can't someone I like ask me out?! Someone I want to kiss for once? Why am I always negated to trying to find some feelings for some guy who really doesn't do it for me. And while this particular guy meets the requirement (religion, education, goals, plans etc), shouldn't there be more than a list of requirements? Why can't I ever speed up the heart of someone who speeds up mine?

On the upside, I might have a date soon.