So California's love returned from Europe. Apparently he lost his phone while on vacation and had been trying to call her from his work phone, but she didn't answer any of his calls. His return has been with surprising little fanfare. She's seen him a couple of times but didn't really say anything about it. When pressed, she told me they're trying to work things out.
Work things out like two different value systems.
So whether they work things out or not really isn't my concern. I'm much more concerned about my roommate who has no idea who she is, what she believes, or what she wants at the moment. She is so lost and just takes in everything this guy tells her. Really, she's not ready for a relationship, but that's for her to discover and decide and hopefully it'll be relatively painless for her.
But I've learned from her:
1. Never be in a relationship where you can't speak your mind: this doesn't mean you have to agree, this doesn't mean pick a fight. But if you don't feel comfortable disagreeing or saying what you feel, it's not healthy.
2. Don't be more emotionally invested than your partner: early on this may not apply as much, one person may fall in love faster than the other. But after a while if you're utterly distraught that he isn't calling and he only calls every four days, than maybe he doesn't care as much. If talking to you after he hasn't seen you for a month isn't a priority, he's just not that into you.
3. If you don't respect yourself no one will: you really can't expect other to love a person you don't like. Some will despite you, but when you continuously present yourself as unworthy, others will believe you. You can't expect others to not bully you or try to change you when you advertise you want to be changed. Healthy relationships with yourself are just as important as healthy relationships with others.
4. If he won't let you listen to your music, he doesn't love you. And yes, you would to pretend to like rap music just cause he does. Cause I've been playing it for months and you never liked it.
I've also learned that I will always be single cause no one will love me as much as my Mommy.
3.26.2009
3.23.2009
Obsession
When I bought my white grown up shoes I spotted this adorable pair of navy ballet flats (navy's a reoccuring theme in my life). They're so preppy cute and would be great work shoes (or trecking around New England shoes). I didn't buy them because I was already buying another pair of shoes and a swimsuit and cause Fashionista told me they weren't worth my $30. But my current pair of all purpose flats are about to kick the bucket, they're only $30, they're cute, I obsess over them and they match my bag!
Stay tuned to see how this story turns out...
Stay tuned to see how this story turns out...
3.22.2009
Things I Hate About Mormons #1
They be all up in my biznesssss
But seriously. I know I've complained about the older generation before, but they're old. They're busy bodies. Their lives suck so they have to live vicariously through mine. I GET IT. But the my generation needs to get a grip too.
There is nothing I dislike more than people asking me why I'm single and if I'm interested in anyone. Why am I single? I'm single cause none of these boys want to date me. Thanks for rubbing it in. If someone's interested, they need to get to and ask me out. I will let them know, in my own subtle ways, whether they have a chance...over dinner (speaking of which, I think I shook off Sadie Hawkins boy, which is sad cause I could use a free meal). And who I'm interested in? Today a girl asked me, point blank, if there was anyone I was interested. Uhh yeah, person I'm not good friends with. Let me list it for you. And I've chased boys. I chased one hard, feel flat on my face, and didn't really fully get over it till late last year. I haven't chased quite like that again, but I've done the dance of going over to his place, being at the same events, talking to him all the time, meeting his family members, and all to no avail.
The worst part about all of this is it pins my single status on me. Somehow I'm doing something wrong. Yeah, I've shot down a few boys. But as I've made it clear, I'm not gonna settle. But I was nice and we had good dates. I do everything I can to be fun, cute and interesting and it goes largely unappreciated. I've only truly messed up one chance at a relationship, but I was 18 and not really ready for it so I'm fine with that. Since then I've been doing my best, so really no, it's not my fault. Yes I want to be married. But I'm not gonna act like some dumb girl and totally massage some guy's ego just for one date. I can buy my own dinner.
So suck it singles ward. Suck it hard and suck it long.
But seriously. I know I've complained about the older generation before, but they're old. They're busy bodies. Their lives suck so they have to live vicariously through mine. I GET IT. But the my generation needs to get a grip too.
There is nothing I dislike more than people asking me why I'm single and if I'm interested in anyone. Why am I single? I'm single cause none of these boys want to date me. Thanks for rubbing it in. If someone's interested, they need to get to and ask me out. I will let them know, in my own subtle ways, whether they have a chance...over dinner (speaking of which, I think I shook off Sadie Hawkins boy, which is sad cause I could use a free meal). And who I'm interested in? Today a girl asked me, point blank, if there was anyone I was interested. Uhh yeah, person I'm not good friends with. Let me list it for you. And I've chased boys. I chased one hard, feel flat on my face, and didn't really fully get over it till late last year. I haven't chased quite like that again, but I've done the dance of going over to his place, being at the same events, talking to him all the time, meeting his family members, and all to no avail.
The worst part about all of this is it pins my single status on me. Somehow I'm doing something wrong. Yeah, I've shot down a few boys. But as I've made it clear, I'm not gonna settle. But I was nice and we had good dates. I do everything I can to be fun, cute and interesting and it goes largely unappreciated. I've only truly messed up one chance at a relationship, but I was 18 and not really ready for it so I'm fine with that. Since then I've been doing my best, so really no, it's not my fault. Yes I want to be married. But I'm not gonna act like some dumb girl and totally massage some guy's ego just for one date. I can buy my own dinner.
So suck it singles ward. Suck it hard and suck it long.
3.20.2009
I still win
In high school, I knew this guy. We'll call him Annoying Andy. Though Patronizing Phil or Self Righteous Sam would also be good nicknames. And this kid seriously annoyed the crap out of me. He was a nice guyish I guess, meaning not a total creep, but he was a know it all, tactless, not cute, condescending, and really just kind of a jerk. And for some reason, the stud of the young women.
EVERYONE had a crush on this guy. I didn't get it. I could barely handle the guy on the 5 minute drive from seminary to school. And I'm not exactly a shrinking violet and I would tell him off constantly and then walk off in a huff. Which for some weird reason, everyone took to mean I must like him too. Part of that "if they tease you they like you!" crap grown ups feed us when we're little. People honestly thought I had a crush on him, including him, and I honestly couldn't care if he was blasted from the face of the planet. Now he did like me. Not to be all hot on myself, but I know he had a crush on me for a while (he likes rude girls?) which accumulated in the worst date of my life to his choir banquet. Every now and then though, he wouldn't be obnoxious and I'd get it. I got why the other girls liked him, cause there was the inner workings of a great guy under his teenage exterior. But those glimpses were rare so 99% of the time I hated him.
So Sam or whatever I nicknamed him went to BYU (of course) and I went to my real school and his parents moved so our interactions since have been sparse. But we did see each other at a crawfish boil the summer after our first year and he wasn't that bad! Like, it was actually enjoyable to be around him. We had a great time! But he was still Andy/Phil/Sam so in no way did I develop an insta-crush. But I did start to consider him a friend. Then he went on his mission to Siberia(literally) and because his parents weren't in my home ward anymore, I haven't seen him since.
So, the point of this nostalgia is this past weekend he got engaged. I know nothing about his fiance, and found out the happy news while facebook stalking. Now, when a girl I don't like gets engaged, I gain ten pounds. When a boy I used to date or seriously liked gets engaged, I watch Moulin Rouge. But then there's the category of boys that you have semi-history with but no attachments. And when you see them get engaged, fresh off the mish, to girls who are not as cute as you, it's a mixed bag. Sure they're engaged and I'm not. But there's more than a little bit of satisfaction. But it makes me so glad that even in high school I didn't settle. This girl is getting what she wants. But I'm sticking it out for the long run.
EVERYONE had a crush on this guy. I didn't get it. I could barely handle the guy on the 5 minute drive from seminary to school. And I'm not exactly a shrinking violet and I would tell him off constantly and then walk off in a huff. Which for some weird reason, everyone took to mean I must like him too. Part of that "if they tease you they like you!" crap grown ups feed us when we're little. People honestly thought I had a crush on him, including him, and I honestly couldn't care if he was blasted from the face of the planet. Now he did like me. Not to be all hot on myself, but I know he had a crush on me for a while (he likes rude girls?) which accumulated in the worst date of my life to his choir banquet. Every now and then though, he wouldn't be obnoxious and I'd get it. I got why the other girls liked him, cause there was the inner workings of a great guy under his teenage exterior. But those glimpses were rare so 99% of the time I hated him.
So Sam or whatever I nicknamed him went to BYU (of course) and I went to my real school and his parents moved so our interactions since have been sparse. But we did see each other at a crawfish boil the summer after our first year and he wasn't that bad! Like, it was actually enjoyable to be around him. We had a great time! But he was still Andy/Phil/Sam so in no way did I develop an insta-crush. But I did start to consider him a friend. Then he went on his mission to Siberia(literally) and because his parents weren't in my home ward anymore, I haven't seen him since.
So, the point of this nostalgia is this past weekend he got engaged. I know nothing about his fiance, and found out the happy news while facebook stalking. Now, when a girl I don't like gets engaged, I gain ten pounds. When a boy I used to date or seriously liked gets engaged, I watch Moulin Rouge. But then there's the category of boys that you have semi-history with but no attachments. And when you see them get engaged, fresh off the mish, to girls who are not as cute as you, it's a mixed bag. Sure they're engaged and I'm not. But there's more than a little bit of satisfaction. But it makes me so glad that even in high school I didn't settle. This girl is getting what she wants. But I'm sticking it out for the long run.
3.16.2009
Almost Ivy
I was never really one for higher education, or education in general. But it's always been expected and encouraged of me. So I got into a really good college and just loved it. My classes were interesting, I liked the higher thinking expected of me, and really thrived in college like I never had before. So afterwards I really started to think about graduate school, something I never really considered before. I found a program I loved, but it's a super exclusive Ivy League university and my chances of getting in were slim to none. But my mother encouraged me to visit the campus and I really liked the vibe of the city and the school. I had an interview and the night before was reading the profile of the students there and almost had an anxiety attack. The admitted class of 2009 included a doctor changing careers, a founder of a non profit group for children, an Ivy League professor and so on with impressive accolades I was nowhere near having. I was so discouraging because I really felt like this program as perfect for me, I just didn't have the resume. But I applied anyway and this week I got the decision. Sorta.
I've been waitlisted.
I've know some people who have been waitlisted before and they acted like it was the end of their world. It's probably one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. The letter said that I had been identified as a student they wanted to admit, but didn't have room for. A friend of mine explained that a lot of grad schools are accepting a lot less this year because of the economy, so I probably would have been accepted otherwise. I just can't believe they want me, even with my lack of accomplishments. And getting in would be a nice way to be a little smug to those married 20 year olds. And 50 year olds who wonder why I'm not a married 20 year old.
The only thing that keeps me from wallowing in self pity over my unwilling single status is I'm pretty happy with my life. And with what I've accomplished. I would have been perfectly fine with having a baby at 19 then, but now I look at Teen Bride with a mix of disgust and pity. I will have kids someday, she won't have a college degree. And getting into this school would a) be a big accomplishment for me and b) would vindicate me a bit to the older generation. It's a little sad how much I want to defend myself to them. They never say anything, you can just tell in the way they talk to me and the questions they ask that they're starting to wonder if I'll ever get married. Screw you. I'm going Ivy.
I've been waitlisted.
I've know some people who have been waitlisted before and they acted like it was the end of their world. It's probably one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. The letter said that I had been identified as a student they wanted to admit, but didn't have room for. A friend of mine explained that a lot of grad schools are accepting a lot less this year because of the economy, so I probably would have been accepted otherwise. I just can't believe they want me, even with my lack of accomplishments. And getting in would be a nice way to be a little smug to those married 20 year olds. And 50 year olds who wonder why I'm not a married 20 year old.
The only thing that keeps me from wallowing in self pity over my unwilling single status is I'm pretty happy with my life. And with what I've accomplished. I would have been perfectly fine with having a baby at 19 then, but now I look at Teen Bride with a mix of disgust and pity. I will have kids someday, she won't have a college degree. And getting into this school would a) be a big accomplishment for me and b) would vindicate me a bit to the older generation. It's a little sad how much I want to defend myself to them. They never say anything, you can just tell in the way they talk to me and the questions they ask that they're starting to wonder if I'll ever get married. Screw you. I'm going Ivy.
3.11.2009
The only thing good in my life is my bag
About a year ago I decided I was going to start saving up so I could have a super fabulous designer handbag for my entry into adulthood. I decided I wanted just a black, stable bag that I could wear with everything for a couple of years. I looked around and fell in love with a leather Michael Kors tote. No, MK isn't a bag company, but I love Micheal, I'm not a Coach fan and bags like Louis Vuitton and Prada are far out of my price range. Plus with MK I got to feed my outlet shopping addiction. So after a year of saving (helped along with birthday and Christmas checks from the grandparents) and a particularly excruciating Tuesday, I grabbed Fashionista and we drove to the outlet.
I absolutely love outlet malls. I love feeling like I somehow outsmarted the world and got a great deal. Like this bag. Originally $500, marked down to $349, on sale for $261. But anyway, we get to the outlet and I know the bag is there because I saw it last Christmas. It was also on sale, which put it in my $300 price range. I had originally wanted it in black, but over Christmas saw it in camel and kinda feel in love with that. So I was standing there in the store debating. Fashionista ruled out the camel because it would show flaws, but then I started to lean toward the navy. Long story short, I got the navy and it's amazing and gorgeous and I love it! It makes me feel like I've accomplished something by purchasing it. I may not have a ring, but I also don't have a baby or boy that won't let me buy it either. So there!
On the downside, until you have an expensive bag you never notice how much your bag comes in contact with...
I absolutely love outlet malls. I love feeling like I somehow outsmarted the world and got a great deal. Like this bag. Originally $500, marked down to $349, on sale for $261. But anyway, we get to the outlet and I know the bag is there because I saw it last Christmas. It was also on sale, which put it in my $300 price range. I had originally wanted it in black, but over Christmas saw it in camel and kinda feel in love with that. So I was standing there in the store debating. Fashionista ruled out the camel because it would show flaws, but then I started to lean toward the navy. Long story short, I got the navy and it's amazing and gorgeous and I love it! It makes me feel like I've accomplished something by purchasing it. I may not have a ring, but I also don't have a baby or boy that won't let me buy it either. So there!
On the downside, until you have an expensive bag you never notice how much your bag comes in contact with...
3.08.2009
Maturity...via shoes
So after a hellish weekend at work I rewarded myself with new shoes. I was at Target shopping for swimsuits with Fashionista when she found these beautiful ivory pointed toed pumps from their Merona Collection. And I had JUST been talking about how I needed these exact shoes for Easter and formal ceremonies that are all too fastly approaching. So I buy them, duh.
So I take them home and after an hour realize the bizzarly important implications of my decision. These are like, adult shoes. I almost always buy shoes based on how freaking fabulous they are and how great they make my legs look. So they're usually sexy, or patterned and always atleast 4 inches. These are conservative, white, and 2.5 inches. The only other pair of shoes I've bought in the last four years with a 2.5 inch heel is my Stuart Weitzman's, which are sitting in my closet for my wedding. These are not party heels, unless that party's being hosted by a law firm. These are interview heels, meeting heels, good first impression, Sunday brunch at the estate heels. These are nice heels! Sure, they're still from Target, it's not like I shelled out top dollar for them. But they're more mature than what I usually buy, which is what I wanted. I just didn't realize I was growing up when I got them.
My next pair is gonna be 5 inches and hot pink.
So I take them home and after an hour realize the bizzarly important implications of my decision. These are like, adult shoes. I almost always buy shoes based on how freaking fabulous they are and how great they make my legs look. So they're usually sexy, or patterned and always atleast 4 inches. These are conservative, white, and 2.5 inches. The only other pair of shoes I've bought in the last four years with a 2.5 inch heel is my Stuart Weitzman's, which are sitting in my closet for my wedding. These are not party heels, unless that party's being hosted by a law firm. These are interview heels, meeting heels, good first impression, Sunday brunch at the estate heels. These are nice heels! Sure, they're still from Target, it's not like I shelled out top dollar for them. But they're more mature than what I usually buy, which is what I wanted. I just didn't realize I was growing up when I got them.
My next pair is gonna be 5 inches and hot pink.
3.04.2009
Never complain to a bitter single girl about your love life
Ever since I started college I have had roommates. My first roommate is one of my best friends and I love her to death. But after her I've had a series of roommates, all of which I like and have become friends with, but none fall into the BFF category. There is, of course, Teen Bride, who has since moved on to bigger and better things. Teen Bride and I also lived with Perfect Roommate, who I still live with along with our newest addition, California Blonde. Perfect Roommate really is a sweetie, but she never seems to make a mistake. California Blonde is a lot of fun, but is utterly ridiculous on so many levels. They both bring in men like you wouldn't believe. Perfect Roommate sets the bar high and only dates the hot ones. Blondie's completely flattered by every guy who shows interest, even though every guy on the street shows interest, and gives ever loser a chance.
California has been dating this guy for a while, though not exclusively. He's 11 years older than her and they have absolutely nothing in common. But she's totally enamoured and he's...I don't really know but I think it has something to do with her being 5'8" and blonde. So she totally doesn't know how to handle herself in this, making me her relationship coach. My real advice is to date someone her own age who she actually has something in common with, but I just keep that to myself and talk her through it. So this guy has been in Europe the past few weeks and she spends everyday talking about how much she misses him and blah blah blah. Part of missing him includes buying his cologne and spraying it on his hoodie she has, sleeping in said hoodie every night, calling his phone just to hear his voicemail and driving past his work.
So today she's driving past his work and what does she see? His car in his parking space!!!!! So she calls his phone but he still has his "I'm out of the country" voicemail up. So she comes home and announces to me, "Miss! My heart is broken!" and I'm just looking at her thinking, are you kidding me? And she expects me to explain it somehow or tell her what to do. And I'm like, what do I say...he came home and didn't call you. I'm trying not to be callous but what do I say? I don't know this guy and I don't even think he's a good match for her. I can't imagine acting like this over a guy, much less one I've only been casually dating for a month or so. Her heart is not actually broken so why do I have to listen to it? And you know a good way to heal? Date one of the two dozen boys waiting in line for you. This girl could be married by now if she wanted, she just has to pick one. Not saying she should be, but honestly girl, get a grip. This is not a problem.
California has been dating this guy for a while, though not exclusively. He's 11 years older than her and they have absolutely nothing in common. But she's totally enamoured and he's...I don't really know but I think it has something to do with her being 5'8" and blonde. So she totally doesn't know how to handle herself in this, making me her relationship coach. My real advice is to date someone her own age who she actually has something in common with, but I just keep that to myself and talk her through it. So this guy has been in Europe the past few weeks and she spends everyday talking about how much she misses him and blah blah blah. Part of missing him includes buying his cologne and spraying it on his hoodie she has, sleeping in said hoodie every night, calling his phone just to hear his voicemail and driving past his work.
So today she's driving past his work and what does she see? His car in his parking space!!!!! So she calls his phone but he still has his "I'm out of the country" voicemail up. So she comes home and announces to me, "Miss! My heart is broken!" and I'm just looking at her thinking, are you kidding me? And she expects me to explain it somehow or tell her what to do. And I'm like, what do I say...he came home and didn't call you. I'm trying not to be callous but what do I say? I don't know this guy and I don't even think he's a good match for her. I can't imagine acting like this over a guy, much less one I've only been casually dating for a month or so. Her heart is not actually broken so why do I have to listen to it? And you know a good way to heal? Date one of the two dozen boys waiting in line for you. This girl could be married by now if she wanted, she just has to pick one. Not saying she should be, but honestly girl, get a grip. This is not a problem.
A little hope
So somehow, I found myself on the Tacori website tonight. A terrible habit of mine is whenever I feel down about singledom, I start to look at wedding stuff. My depression over rejection by a boy once led to me finding a dream dress. So I'm staring at engagement rings, and reading love stories and feeling depressed that I've never been giddily happy in love. So I naviagte myself to my lifeline, The Single Mormon Girl's Guide to Life. And there I read:
"Sometimes as a single LDS woman trying to do what is right and trying to stay hopeful that someday, somehow, somewhere, everything you’ve ever wanted and have been taught to want is going to be yours, is a difficult thing to do… especially when the numbers just don’t add up and LOGICALLY things don’t seem good. But, maybe that’s our challenge…to stay hopeful even when the odds seem to be against us and to keep believing and knowing that our Heavenly Father knows who we are and knows what we need and when we need it and that sometime and in some way those who stay faithful and hopeful will be blessed more than we can even imagine."
Reading that made me feel amazing. But I still need new shoes.
"Sometimes as a single LDS woman trying to do what is right and trying to stay hopeful that someday, somehow, somewhere, everything you’ve ever wanted and have been taught to want is going to be yours, is a difficult thing to do… especially when the numbers just don’t add up and LOGICALLY things don’t seem good. But, maybe that’s our challenge…to stay hopeful even when the odds seem to be against us and to keep believing and knowing that our Heavenly Father knows who we are and knows what we need and when we need it and that sometime and in some way those who stay faithful and hopeful will be blessed more than we can even imagine."
Reading that made me feel amazing. But I still need new shoes.
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