When I first met Teen Bride she had never been in anything resembling a relationship and on very few things resembling dates. She didn't care much for her physical appearance and at the tender age of 17, had written off marriage for herself. She just honestly couldn't "see it happening for her." In some ways, her feelings mirror my own. If I'm never dating, how do I hold up hope that one day in the future I'm just going to magically meet someone and live happily ever after.
And then she did.
Canadian Husband was also in our ward, introduced to her by her brother, and was ELEVEN years older than her. They began dating in February, and despite her being as annoying about it as possible, were engaged by the mid-September. That was the semester Teen Bride was living with me, and I spent the majority of that semester a) mothering her cause she was overly emotionally needy and b) planning her reception cause she could really care less. Teen Bride and Canadian Husband were married in December of that year and just recently had Baby January.
This is all completly relevant because Teen Bride is in my institute class this semester, often accompanied by Baby January. And while I'm friendly and play with the baby, I gotta admit it crushes my soul a little bit. I really don't understand how someone so physically and emotionally immature got married before me. I literally took care of this girl for a semester, constantly listening to her emotional issues and telling her she was good enough. And now she has a CHILD.
So to top it all off, today I was talking to her about my plans after school. Most of them involve leaving the area I'm in, partially so I can maybe meet someone. This is the honest to goodness truth, I really don't think I'll get married if I stay where I am. The well is low and I think I've run dry of trully desirable eligible bachelors. But whenever I mention this, I say it as a joke; "Oh yeah, I gotta move so I can get married!" So I make this joke and freaking Teen Bride gives me this sympathetic smile and says, "You shouldn't worry too much, I just know it's gonna happen for you!" This is not the first condenscending, sympathetic remark she's given me and they're all in the same vein. "Oh, I was once like you, not thinking I'd ever marry! But now look at me with my 30 year old husband and baby girl!" Thanks, but I don't need sympathy from a 19 year old! The absolute only thing worse than you feeling bad about your singledom is married people feeling bad about it.
But really it's the baby that kills me. I could honestly go my whole life without being married and really I'd be fine, except I wouldn't get to have my dream wedding. What would devestate me is not being a mother. I LOVE kids. I really do, I want like a billion (7) of them. I'm not saying I'd be a great mother, I have theories and plans but I'm sure I'll struggle. But I just love kids and want a baby so bad it physically hurts to hold Baby January. Teen Bride is really a nice girl and she deserves the happiness she has. But the fact that she has it and it's not even on the forseeable horizon for me is a little hard to swallow.
On less of a pity party note, this is now officially my dream wedding dress:
No comments:
Post a Comment