19 Year Old Boys Are Annoying

BIG NEWS: Lauren Conrad has announced the the 5th season of The Hills will be the last! Speidi have announced they are open to another show!

Moving beyond my reality TV obsession (hmm...reasons I might be single number 1) and on to the title of the post. 19 year old boys are annoying.

This may seem like a duh statement but I'm not around too many. We Mormons like to ship them off to grow up and not come back till they're responsible 21 year olds. And yeah, most of the people I know aren't Mormon, but most of the guys I'm close to are. And I missed those pivotal, annoying years.

Enter Work Boy. I've mentioned him before. He's 19 and thinks I'm hot. Which used to be fun and flattering and is now annoying as all get up! Work Boy, obviously, is from work, he's not in school and lives with his parents. So there's obviously a list of reasons I'm not interested. But I used to flirt a lot, cause he's nice and is always getting me things and is fun to talk to. Then one day he gave me his number to text him, so we could "hang out." The chances of us ever actually hanging out are slim, but I texted him anyway.

Then one day at work there was nothing to do, so we just hung out the entire time and I got a little too flirty. And now he really likes me. I'll admit I entertained the idea for a moment, he's cute, but then decided it wasn't worth my time for all the pre-mentioned obvious reasons. So now, despite the obvious reasons, he thinks something might happen and is a text STALKER. And all of the texts are about how I'm hot, and that I like him and then trying to arrange times for us to meet up. There shear magnitude turned him from fun Work Boy to Annoying 19 Year Old over night. SO yes, I'm partially to blame for all this. I encouraged it by flirting in the beginning, but I'm 22 and single, that's what I do! Am I not supposed to flirt with guys ever cause they might read too much into it and never leave me alone? This is the depressing reality of my singledom: only guys I'm not interested in show interest and I kinda like the attention so I encourage it to a degree which then sends them into a frenzy for my love. So far today I've gotten three texts. They read: "Ultra Hott," "Ultra Mega Hott," "Miss is a ultra mega hottie who likes Italian boys named Work Boy."

Seriously? No. I don't.

Baby Blues

So an important character in my singledom saga is my ex-roommate, Teen Bride. Teen Bride is two years younger than me and a year below me in school, we met in my singles ward and roomed together for a semester.

When I first met Teen Bride she had never been in anything resembling a relationship and on very few things resembling dates. She didn't care much for her physical appearance and at the tender age of 17, had written off marriage for herself. She just honestly couldn't "see it happening for her." In some ways, her feelings mirror my own. If I'm never dating, how do I hold up hope that one day in the future I'm just going to magically meet someone and live happily ever after.

And then she did.

Canadian Husband was also in our ward, introduced to her by her brother, and was ELEVEN years older than her. They began dating in February, and despite her being as annoying about it as possible, were engaged by the mid-September. That was the semester Teen Bride was living with me, and I spent the majority of that semester a) mothering her cause she was overly emotionally needy and b) planning her reception cause she could really care less. Teen Bride and Canadian Husband were married in December of that year and just recently had Baby January.

This is all completly relevant because Teen Bride is in my institute class this semester, often accompanied by Baby January. And while I'm friendly and play with the baby, I gotta admit it crushes my soul a little bit. I really don't understand how someone so physically and emotionally immature got married before me. I literally took care of this girl for a semester, constantly listening to her emotional issues and telling her she was good enough. And now she has a CHILD.

So to top it all off, today I was talking to her about my plans after school. Most of them involve leaving the area I'm in, partially so I can maybe meet someone. This is the honest to goodness truth, I really don't think I'll get married if I stay where I am. The well is low and I think I've run dry of trully desirable eligible bachelors. But whenever I mention this, I say it as a joke; "Oh yeah, I gotta move so I can get married!" So I make this joke and freaking Teen Bride gives me this sympathetic smile and says, "You shouldn't worry too much, I just know it's gonna happen for you!" This is not the first condenscending, sympathetic remark she's given me and they're all in the same vein. "Oh, I was once like you, not thinking I'd ever marry! But now look at me with my 30 year old husband and baby girl!" Thanks, but I don't need sympathy from a 19 year old! The absolute only thing worse than you feeling bad about your singledom is married people feeling bad about it.

But really it's the baby that kills me. I could honestly go my whole life without being married and really I'd be fine, except I wouldn't get to have my dream wedding. What would devestate me is not being a mother. I LOVE kids. I really do, I want like a billion (7) of them. I'm not saying I'd be a great mother, I have theories and plans but I'm sure I'll struggle. But I just love kids and want a baby so bad it physically hurts to hold Baby January. Teen Bride is really a nice girl and she deserves the happiness she has. But the fact that she has it and it's not even on the forseeable horizon for me is a little hard to swallow.

On less of a pity party note, this is now officially my dream wedding dress:

And it was all yellow

So after years of dressing up, doing my hair, experimenting with make up and spending a small fortune on shoes I have finally found the secret to catching a man's attention.

Nail polish.

For months now my Fashionista BFF has been telling me yellow nail polish is sooooo fabulous. Chanel introduced a yellow polish and then Esse and OPI got one and apparently yellow is the new black. Whatever. I have nothing against nail polish, but maintaining it's not my favorite activity and I was super sceptical of yellow. Yellow shoes? Yes! Yellow nails? Eh...

But then on Single Gals Night (otherwise known as Valentine's Day) I was having a spa night with Fashionista and decided to try out this yellow nail polish. It wasn't bad, cute, and springy. So I kept it. And then the weirdest thing happened. EVERYONE started to notice my nails. And not just the girls. The men!

Guys from church, the boy handing me my Big Mac, my co-workers, my customers at work, other men at work who aren't my co-workers or customers. It was so weird, I felt like everywhere I went some guy was there saying, "I like your yellow nails."

Well, after a week I had to say good bye to my yellow nails. I don't own the color and couldn't keep bothering Fashionista for touch ups. But now my nails look bland without color so I pull out a fuchsia bottle I own, cause pink is fun too.

So this morning I'm home in bed with my girlie ailments when I get a call from the plumber who's here to (finally!) fix my tub. So I'm standing there in my oversized t-shirt and basketball shorts, with no make up and my hair barley in a ponytail, when the plumber looks up and says, "I like your pink nails."

WTF!?!

So you win make up industry. I fold. I will now invest in all the new nail polishes. Starting with yellow.

Hindsight is 20/20

"no, i don't think you're young. heck i still think i'm 23-24 most of the time. all i have to say is... when i was your age, i traveled a lot, did things i always wanted to do and had a job (job, not career) that allowed me to accomplish those dreams. of course at 28, i'm still playing and working the career thing. but i cherish the times i was 22-25 because i just ENJOYED life. there will always be a time in your life for you to settle down... live it up... i say absolutely. you'll never regret it"

These were the wise words left on my facebook wall by a former unwilling Mormon single. They are meant to fill me with hope and pride I'm sure. However......

This woman is the reason I'm scared of being single. See I remember her years of 22-25 a little different than she does. I remember her barely working full time and spending a lot of time moping around her mother's home. I also remember her being one of the most bitter, angry people I had ever met and she wielded her seminary class as a weapon to punish the youthful and happy. She also implanted in me, and every other girl who knew her, a fear of being single and alone because it would turn you into that. To this day, we'll say to each other I don't really care about being single, I just don't want to end up like Bitter Angry Girl. 2 years ago or so she finally got married, which kind of levitated the fear. It'll happen for everyone eventually.

But yeah, her words were nice. The reality she presented me with during my teenage years is still terrifyingly strong.

Lessons from the Shack

So today at work I discovered two upsides to getting older:

1: The 19 year old boy who likes you, still thinks you're hot. In fact, now he probably thinks you're hotter. He will still continue to text you and want to hang out with you outside of work, even though there's no way anything is happening there ever. Sorry Work Boy.

2: You have officially graduated from the creepster guy age range, aka 19-21. Once they find out you're older than that, they don't really care to continue hitting on you because most likely you're too smart to fall for it. The downside to this is if you still look 19-21 (I do) you have to find a way to slip it into conversation.

Something else I learned from work, never date guys from work.

22

So today, I expired. I hit the dreaded age of 22 without a husband, boyfriend, or even prospects.

To anyone who's not Mormon, and even to some of my Mormon peers, this seems utterly ridiculous. I'm far from being old and hardly an old maid. And in reality, they're right. But as far as perceptions go, I'm expired.

It comes from the previous generations. Up until the 1970's, good Mormon girls went to BYU, got married within the first two years and then dropped out of school to have babies. By the 80's good Mormon girls still got married in the first two years, but it was acceptable to wait till you had a degree to have babies. Today, you have all four years of college to find a husband and maybe will even work a few years before having babies! But leave college without a man...

Once again it's mostly perceptions. Plenty of girls graduate and start careers before successfully landing the man of their dreams. They didn't actually expire. But the perception's still there and my friends will admit, in whispers, the growing fear that they're own expiration date is coming. Men will always want to marry younger, and freshly returned missionary boys will always want to marry 19 year old (mostly cause their well adjusted 21 year old peers won't have them). Meanwhile I've noticed that the adults at church back home have stopped asking me about boys and if I'm dating and have started asking me about what I plan to do after college and, most excitedly, am I planning on going on a mission?! Cause they know what I know. I've expired.

So in these past years in which I wasted my youth, what was I doing if not catching a man? Hmm, I was being highly successful at an actually prestigious, non-church owned university, which I'll be graduating from, with honors, in May. I was an NCAA division one athlete and have the letter jacket to prove it. I have become more accomplished in my work than I could have dreamed of four years ago. And I have shaped an idea of what I want to accomplish and the woman I want to be in this world.

I would have willingly become the young bride and young housewife. Honestly, I still would. But I'm also fine with expiring. There’s so much I would have missed if I was married at 20. There's so much I will miss if I got married today. So now I'll have to face the world, and dating, as one of the scariest incarnations imaginable: a college educated, smart, ambitious, independent woman. But I think I'm ready for it.

Ready for life after expiration.